on downsizing.

It wasn’t our intent to move. We’d bought the American Four Square when I was six months pregnant. Fresh off my TedX Talk about minimalism, I’d fallen in love with it, despite its size. Spacious and dreamy. Room for babies and guests alike. A big backyard. Playgrounds all around.

But curveballs come, especially (exclusively?) when you aren’t looking. And moving became a reality. Smack dab in the middle of a pandemic.

At first we opted to walk through only American Four Squares. I was mourning our house in my own way. I sensed from the start, but got confirmation over the years, that we didn’t actually NEED all that space. We were a family of three (plus a pup). We didn’t need four bedrooms. Even as we sheltered in place.

But the spaciousness never grew old. So I sought out more. While I love simplicity, the options for grandeur present themselves in an old house with its gorgeous woodwork and high ceilings. I’m a Libra, after all. Surround me with beauty, please. My decor remained uncluttered, but do you know how a light fixture can change a space? I didn’t ogle furniture, My eyes turned upward.

There were downsides, too. Cleaning. Cleaning was the only downside, actually. It felt never-ending in that space. 

(Never mistake tidy for clean.)

The housing market was picking up steam, and after a dozen or so American Four Squares, I started remembering…

Remembering that I like it simple. Remembering that fresh starts needn’t be opportunities to replicate but rather reasons to reinvent. To try on something new. To change.

I started scouring Zillow for little guys. I’d take my daughter and the puppy on ‘joy rides’ at lunchtime - a list of houses to drive by before bringing my husband and realtor into the conversation.

The wee stucco bungalow popped up in our feed on Thanksgiving weekend. We were out of time. We’d sold our house and were preparing to find a rental as the closing day drew near.

And poof: the bungalow appeared. It was small. Simple. No high ceilings, no room for drama. But a welcoming kitchen, three bedrooms and a laundry room that served as a pantry, linen closet and storage unit all in one (I call her the Workhorse of the House, because she is.)

It needed a lot of work (which, as one learns, means it needed WAY more work than we anticipated). 

And while our American Four Square presented as spare and spacious, a four bedroom house with a basement leads to accumulation. Unintentional accumulation, but accumulation nonetheless.

So as we built a garage, laid a new patio and and and and, I also spent the year decluttering. With each load of donations and resells, I’d take a breath only to find more to unload a few weeks later. I started searching for The Unnecessaries. Clocking the storage shelves in the basement. Pulling out a box - reviewing its contents. It was compulsive, hyper-focused and spared no one. And —

It calmed me. It distracted me. It became my hobby of sorts.

I kept a list of all we released. Some furniture, some little girl’s clothes and toys that would have been outgrown anyway… but much would have just stayed in the larger house. Tucked into a closet we rarely opened.

To downsize 25 years earlier than the average American felt freeing. The cleaning doesn’t overwhelm me in this space. Going from 3 toilets to 2 - it really made a difference. It really did. Dusting trim throughout 1400 sq. ft instead of 2200? Guess what? It takes less time.

I’ve delighted in decorating it. Such a different space to tackle! A curious challenge. And the longer I live in it, the more plans I make for it. I prefer to work with a house, to find what suits it, and me, all at the same time.

But, quietly, when I walk the dog — unexpectedly — I’ll miss those high ceilings, miss the grandeur.

My daughter misses it, too. It’s not unexpected or surprising for her. She liked that big old house.

It’s complicated. I don’t try to make it otherwise. We talk about it - that we can like some things about our new tiny house, yet miss the old house, too. And that’s ok. I tell her that I love little spaces (because I do), and that was why we picked this house. But, when she grows up she can aim to pick what she likes.

I love our wee little home, love making it my own, artful space, I miss what could have been, too. 

I like it tidy, but I don’t need my feelings to be.